 My ego got dinged this weekend, and I swiftly and assertively struck back. Even as the words came out of my mouth, I regretted them. I don’t think I was excessively rude, but I definitely reacted more harshly than was necessary, especially since my ego checker’s intent was not malicious.
Ever since the incident, I’ve been analyzing the root cause of my defensiveness. In other words, what the hell was my problem and why did I act like an ass? I was at a small social gathering, and the crowd comprised mostly people I had just met for the first time that evening. The hostess has been a friend of mine for years, but we hadn’t seen each other in quite a while. I was thrilled to get her invitation because I’m slowly working my way out of a year-long self-imposed isolation. Literally, one of my New Year’s resolutions is to “get back out in the world.” Seeing an old friend while meeting some new ones at an impromptu after-the-holidays party? Yeah, it sounded like fabulous idea, and it was.
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 I mentioned in an earlier post that I went through a phase of my life now affectionately deemed by many as the “Angry Amy” years. I didn’t come up with that on my own, I adopted it later.
My friends called me that behind my back, and rightfully so. Every fiber of my being exuded hostility and resentment for the better part of a decade. In fact, a more accurate name for that time of my life would be, “The Epoch of the Bitter Bitch.” Ha! Sure, I can joke about it now because it’s long over, but it wasn’t funny at the time … for me or for anyone around me. Just ask my mother.  If I had to name a precious gift in my life today, one of them would be my relationship with my best friend, Whitney. We met about 10 years ago, hit it off pretty much immediately, and now I cannot picture my life without her in it. I have shown this woman my ass on more than one occasion, both literally and metaphorically, and yet she still takes my calls.
We have laughed hysterically, gossiped, yelled, argued and made up, sometimes all in the same day. We are excellent road trip companions, especially during a once-a-year jaunt to the mountains of Eastern Kentucky. We have held onto each other through breakups. We stood by each other at our weddings (and not just the ceremonies; all the planning and associated crap that led up to them). She put up with me during my “angry Amy” years. I supported her during her “can’t date a man who actually lives in the same city” phase. We have seen each other ugly cry. More than once. |
About Amy HiggsA former newspaper columnist, Amy takes her random, slice-of-life stories to the web. After 12 years, she's still just saying. Archives
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